Hug a Little Tighter

This week has been a hard one. A 17 year old boy from the youth group I worked with at our previous church died. His parents were our Sunday School Teachers. He had a twin brother. It is not known (by the public) if it was an accident or suicide. It doesn't really matter, all that matters is a sweet kid is gone. Hard to imagine it was suicide, no note, no known problems, wonderful family. He shot himself. The whole family was home, he got up out of the living room and went to his bedroom. They heard the shots. Oh, what they must have found.

It makes me think of my children. Still young - 12, 10, and 5. I pray they never feel like the only answer to life is to end it. I have felt that a few times in my life. Thus, the determination to give my children a better life. One with a mother and a father. One with morals, standards, expectations. One where they learn about Christ, His love, His forgiveness, His pursuit of them. One where they learn about Hell, and the choice they will have to make. A life in which they don't get all the "yes" answers they want, but they do get enough to know they are special to us and to God. A life HWH and I are involved in.

The kid that died had all that too. It didn't change the course of events. I know this boy is home with Jesus right now though. And his parents cling to the day when they'll see him again in heaven. I pray, I beg the Lord, please don't ever make me go through something like that.

I think about that evening (Monday) - and what they must be thinking. "If only we'd gone out to eat. If only I followed him into his room. If only I hugged him one more time and told him how much I love him. If only . . . . Maybe he'd still be alive." That's what I'd be thinking.

The visitation tonight lasted 4 1/2 hours for them. I'm sure they appreciated the love and support. But if you ask me, it would have been 4 1/2 hours of hell. I wouldn't want to get out of bed for weeks. Though I know I would be able to lean on the Lord to get through it all.

All things work for God's glory. This too shall do so. It's not for me to understand or agree with. My responsibility is to trust God, that He knows what He is doing.

I now make it a point to hug my kids a little tighter. Hold on a little longer. Kiss a few more spots on their face. Smile at them more often. Keep my words and tone a bit sweeter. Treasure them like the gift they are.

I do NOT wanna outlive any of my children.

Treasure them, talk to them, take them to church, pray with them, smile at them, stay married for them, get along for them, love them. Once you bring them into this world, it is no longer all about you and what you want, feel or desire. It's about producing happy, secure, normal kids. Be a parent, be a spouse - it's a choice you have to make, a choice you must make every day, sometimes every hour. But they are worth it. every little bit . . . .

Over at 5 minutes for Mom there is an awesome drawing for a Phillips Digital Frame, check it out and enter!

As you can tell from my sporadic posting, I only write when something is weighing on my heart. Well, obviously since I haven't written since March, nothing has weighed on me too much. Except the couple of times I've made a complete idiot of myself in front of a group of people. Too embarrassing to write about! Or the time I accidentally insulted some visitors at church. Mortified!

I have read two secular books that I haven't mentioned on the website, and I guess I could tell you about them - but really, I'd rather stick to promoting the Christian authors who I really enjoy and whose writing I prefer.

I will encourage you to consider going to a Women of Faith conference! They are awesome and such a great road trip for you a friend or two. I am going to the Atlanta conference in April. If you can't get to one of those, another great conference is Beth Moore - she always kicks me in the tush to take Action in my Christian life. Tonight I am going to a local conference - Whole Women's Day, an event I've been to before and changed me forever. I just love road trips, inspirational speakers, all centered around the word of God - can't get much better for me! I vow to take my son to see Brock Gill, an awesome Christian Illusionist he's very anxious to see!

Oh, I have thought of one thing weighing on my mind. The $1600 final payment due on May 1st to the kids summer camp - Ridgecrest/Crestridge - and only 1 paycheck before then that will not cover it. Fun, fun! So prayers would be appreciated here.

Oh, and another thing - my daughter is CRAZY about getting a WEBKINZ which are all the rage in elementary school girls. They are impossible to find - and buying them on the Internet at Amazon and such they charge double to triple the price you pay when you find them in stock in a store. What an idea! I wish I had thought of these things! You buy a stuffed animal - they come with a web log-in code and you can go to the website and play games/earn money to build on-line houses/treats for your webkinz animal. Genius! If you have any tips on how to get one and not pay too much, let me know!!!!

Oh, yes and last thing - the newest addition to our family was born last Sunday - April 15. We don't have pictures yet - but his parents, Bruno and Holly can be seen here. We'll be bringing home the bundle of joy around June 10th. My HWH is sooooo excited!

I must get back to work, but I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Heartfelt

I wrote this after a friend told me about his marriage problems, the wife was leaving him. Though, I think you'll be able to tell it comes from a very personal place within myself. I wanted to give it to my friend, but never did. . . . .

Remember and Choose
by Vail

You think you don’t love me anymore.
That’s because you don’t want to.
You’ve taken your heart back.

Think . . . . . .
Feel . . . . .
Remember the moment we first touched, the way you tingled.
Remember looking into each others eyes as we exchanged rings and made promises
Remember when our first child was born, the love we felt for each other and the baby
Think back to those moments that you were sad and I wiped your tears
We had fun times, hanging out, playing, being silly, being together, being friends
Picture me with our children, making a card for you on your birthday, love in our hearts and hands
I’d do anything, give you anything, take you anywhere, all at a moment’s notice.

Are you sure leaving is what you want?
Is what’s out there worth your choice not to love me anymore?
Is it worth the hurt and tears you’ll cause our children when we tell them we won’t be together anymore?
Is it worth the time away from them you’ll spend, not knowing how their day was?
What’s out there is fun right now, but it too will grow old and tiresome.
You’ll miss our family.

Please think about it,
Remember our past and be sure you don’t want a future.
Be sure that whatever is out there is more important than our children’s right to a family.
Then choose.
Choose to not love me
Or choose to give me back your heart.
No matter the issues – that is what it all comes down to.
You have the power to make those choices.
You have the power to change many people’s lives.
Make the choice and know that if you change your mind, you can call me,
But it may be too late.
So, be sure.

I love you.

Dumps

I am generally a happy, optomistic person. I don't stress too much over anything (though I think there are many things in my life I could stress oer). I know God is in control and that helps me not to worry. However, I do get in periods in my life - when I like to throw myself a pity-party. Which is soooo silly - because really my life is just soooo good, almost perfect.
Right now, I'm down because I'm still adjusting to the new church we are attending. I need to focus on my relationship with Jesus, and things will fall in place. It's just soooo easy to know - and my undisciplined self has trouble MAKING myself do things. (Hence why my diet is not going too well either.)
Ok, I got the complaining out of my sytem. Hopefully, now I can move on and Do what I know needs to be done.
I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be bored, I don't wanna weigh what I weigh. boo-hoo me.

Book Recommendations

I want to make a few recommendations of books that you should read. These are books that I have read in 2007 and really enjoyed and liked.

Watching the Tree Limbs and Wishing on Dandelions by Mary DeMuth

I would really suggest reading them both, Watching the Tree Limbs first and then Wishing on Dandelions. Watching was a powerful story about finding your voice. And Wishing was a wonderful story about learning to rely on God when you're in the valleys. (There are important lessons in the valleys, plus they make the mountain tops that much more beautiful!) I'm not going to give you a summary of the plot or characters, there are other sites that do that. I am just going to tell you these stories are well written, emotional, and you won't want to put them down until you are done! Once I do start my Christian Book Club Watching the Tree Limbs will be one of the first choices! I will definitely keep an eye out for future books from Mary and buy them all (I personally hope there will be a 3rd book in this series, I'm dying to know how Mara's life goes from here . . . .)

calm, cool & adjusted by Kristin Billerbeck

Fun, Fun, Fun! Out of the 3 books in this series I'd have to say this one was my favorite. I loved the others, and I totally do not identify in any way with Poppy, the herbal, earth-loving vegetarian. Well, except that I too find change hard. I too find that there are still "issues" from my childhood I need to deal with. This is a great story about being optimistic, holding onto God through the pain, forgiving others, choosing to remember the good memories, and cherishing our real friends. A must read (along with the other 2 of the Spa Girl series - She's All That and What a Girl Wants and really - anything Kristen wrote!), especially for chick-lit readers.

Lost In NashVegas by Rachel Hauck


This was a Christmas gift from my sister (ok, yes, I picked it out and asked her to give it to me!). I was done by New Years Eve. What are you afraid of? This book made me look at my fears and determine that they won't rule my life. Robin, the main character in this book suffers stage fright, yet her heart's desire to to write and perform in Nashville. By leaning on God's strength, all things are possible. It is an easy read, well written, and fun and I'm looking forward to the follow up due in May! I will be checking out her other books as the year progresses.

Live a Praying Life by Jennifer Kennedy Dean


Wow! If you are looking for a Bible study to begin, this IS one you should consider. This study will change your prayer life into a PRAYING LIFE. And that will change your life! It's also available as a group Bible Study (which I hope to some day be a part of!) It's hard to put into words just how much this impacted me. It helped me understand how to pray and why we pray. It opened up the scripture to me in such a different way, I will forever be grateful to Mrs. Dean! My relationship with Jesus is so much deeper after having done this study!

That's it for now! I have a couple more books on my shelf waiting to be read:
Chocolate Beach by Julie Carobini and Trouble's Brewing - Potluck Club #2 by Everson & Shepherd. I'll let you know how they turn out after I've read them! If you have any suggestions, email me and let me know!

Random Thoughts

I haven't posted in a long time. Work is busy. Home is busy. We just got a computer for home, so perhaps I will begin doing it there. But to be honest, by the time I've gotten the kids to bed, made lunches for the next day, and cleaned up the kitchen, I am ready to just sit down and watch TV. At 11pm I usually do my Bible Study/prayer time until about 12am. I love my life, but it is a busy one. Especially now with two kids playing basketball and one on a travel volleyball team.

No matter though, no one really reads this blog, so no one will be missing it! :)

I do have a couple of suggestions though:
Excellent Bible Study I am doing right now - Live a Praying Life by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. Prayer has always been difficult for me - knowing what and how to pray. This has been a life changing study!

Books I have read this year:
Watching the Tree Limbs and Wishing on Dandelions by Mary DeMuth - both excellent books!
Lost in NashVegas - a very fun read! By Rachel Hauck
Rachel Hauck

I'm looking for some new music to listen to - any suggestions? Here is a sample of what I like, Contemporary Christian - favorites - Third Day, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, etc. I just need a NEW artist - I am getting tired of listening to the same albums over and over.

Movies I watched on DVD this Weekend and LIKED:
1. The Illusionist - Loved it!
2. Broken Bridges - Made Me Cry! A "fluff" movie, but sometimes I just need a non-thinking movie!

Blog posts I'm still thinking about:
Life On The Road - wish Auny a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Living the Dream - sad, but happy it hasn't crushed his spirit
Escaping the Gray Twilight - again, sad, but it hasn't crushed her spirit!
A Life In Pages - Ghostwriting, wrong, wrong, wrong

Book my Book Club picked for the month (host gets to pick, I had nothing to do with the choice) - if you've read it, let me know what you thought of it!
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

What I really wanna do this year:

1.Start a Christian Book Club. However, I do not know very many people who would be interested/could commit. I LOVE getting together with book club, but the one I do attend are mostly younger then me, the books are far from what I would consider Christian, and are friends of a friend - I don't really know them and that probably won't change (we'd not get together outside book club).

2. Write a book. (Thus the Wannabe!)

3. Finish the remodel of my living room, kitchen, hallway.

Have a great week! Check back once in a while!

Beauty From Ashes

Beautiful radio broadcast from Anne Graham Lotz that you can listen to online:
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/archives.asp?bcd=2006-9-25

Time well spent!

Legacy of Prayer

This morning I went to a PrayerForce conference, it was an awesome event. If one comes near you, I strongly encourage you to go. I bought the Bible Study "Live a Praying Life-Open Your Life to God's Power and Provision". I've always struggled with prayer - especially praying aloud. I don't want to be selfish in my prayers, and I've often struggled with what to "say" to God. I'm excited about this journey - I'll keep you updated.

At the conference Jennifer Kennedy Dean spoke about the Legacy of Prayer and how it builds up a spiritual trust fund for generations. She referenced a beautiful quote from O.Hallesby, Prayer:

Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. - Matthew 6:20

The longer you live a life of this kind, the more answers to prayer you will experience. As white snowflakes fall quietly and thickly on a winter's day, answers to prayer will settle down on you at every step you take, even to your dying day. ...This shower of answers to prayer will continue to your dying hour. Nor will it cease then. And when you pass from beneath the shower, your dear ones will step into it. Every prayer and every sigh which you have uttered for them and their future welfare will, in God's time, descend upon them as a gentle rain of answers to prayers.
Our family has been a believing and praying family for three generations. The elders have prayed faithfully for their descendants. During my whole life I have walked in the prayers of my forebears and in the answers to these prayers. A quiet rain drips steadily upon me.

What an awesome thing to leave my children, I want them to have that knowledge and security.

Conflicted

Have you ever listened to Dr. Laura? I listen to her everyday. I wish that I had listened to her at the age of 18, my life may have turned out differently. I am not a stay-at-home Mom. I never wanted to be, until the birth of my 3rd child. I'm know I was selfish and immature, but I didn't think I could handle it. I work in a family business and am poised to take over in a few years when my father retires. My mother-in-law kept/keeps my kids while I work.

What Dr. Laura lacks that I do have is the perspective of life as a Christian (she is Jewish). She is not an advocate of unrequested forgiveness or taking your problems to Christ. So, I do find myself disagreeing with some of her advice.

But, on the subject of child rearing I find that she is winning me over, and I agree with her more, the older I get. However, I am not going to change the position I am in. I feel like such a Hypocrite.

Thanks for letting me have my little pity party. I don't talk about it because no one wants to hear me feel sorry for my own self and decisions. BUT, since this is an anoymous blog, that very FEW people read, I feel like I can blog WHATEVER I want!

Anyways, if you happen to be a new Mom, struggling with the decision on if you should return to work, or stay home - STAY HOME! I honestly believe it is the best thing for you and your kid!

Thankful thoughts

A post last week at the Motherhood is Not for Wimps blog got me to thinking. How blessed and thankful I am for my life. What a great, loving HWH I have. What wonderful children (3) I have. My youngest, who is 4 1/2, and was a TOTAL surprise, is such a sweet gift. I live for the moments when he says to me "Mommy, you're warm". He'll snuggle into my arms and lap and lay contently until his 4 yr. old attention gets drawn to something else. He lights up and runs into my arms when HWH brings him through the door after a day at Pre-school. I know I will miss those moments. Perhaps because I feel certain he's our last little one, or perhaps because I'm a bit older and more patient now then I was 7 years ago when my oldest was 4, I enjoy youngest childs youth more than any of the others.

I don't mind them growing up, but I still wanna have those snuggle moments when my kid tells me "I'm warm" and finds peace, security, and comfort in my arms. I can't imagine a much better feeling in my life as a parent.

A Fine Line

A couple of post lately from my favorite blogs have me again pondering the fine line between and the difference of opinions/belief paradigms . . . . .

Tell me what you think.

Saturday, August 26, 2006-from Life With Brock Gill

what does worldly look like?
recently some of my friends were accused of being worldly because of the way they look and dress. a group of fundamentalist pastors decided to pick on my friends because they were doing ministry and being worldly. they claimed that they are using worldly methods, and it was disgusting to God. they had problems with the way they do their hair, saying they didnt comb their hair or something. my friends that i am talking about are professional skaters and bmx riders who also bring they message of jesus at their shows. these guys skate in front of thousands of people at their shows, why not give the gospel i ask. if the way a person looks on the outside is a reflection of the way they are on the inside then lets use this logic and have some fun. ok? ok, here we go.what does worldly really look like? if someone dresses with baggy pants and messy hair then they are worldly. using this same logic lets turn it around. if you wear a button down shirt with some tan pants then you look just like the doctor i saw on tv last night who does abortions for teenage girls. abortion is murder therefore you dress like a murderer. Click here to read the rest . . .

And I agree with Brock's point, we must be creative in the ways we reach people. To reach those that aren't going to go to church or aren't friends with Christians, what Brock and many others do I believe is great!

But, what concerns me about events such as those, or say, Billy Graham Crusades, or what not, is the follow-up. Now, know that I have NOT YET gone to one of Brock's shows or a Crusade, so perhaps I'm speaking out of ignorance - I just worry that they'll "accept" Christ, and that will be the end of it - they won't know what to do next. (This is what happened to me decades ago when I accepted Christ as my Savior at a Vacation Bible School.)

Watch Hell's Best Kept Secret at Way of The Master and they discuss this as well.

Women of Faith

I will not be able to make this years Women Of Faith conference, if you possibly can - DO! It is a great time! I highly recommend this year's pre-conference - with my favorite, Patsy Clairmont. I have been sure to put next year's conference on my 2007 schedule, I want to be sure I can go. I won't be going to the one closest to me, in Charlotte, NC (for some reason it is always the weekend before Halloween, which happens to be my birthday). But, that is OK, because at the Atlanta and the Washington, DC conference Beth Moore is doing the pre-conference, what an awesome weekend it will be! Make your plans, and don't delay. Tickets do sell out and hotels book up!
For information visit: Women of Faith

Also visit: www.bethmoore.org

Spontaneous

I was reading a blog today that posed the question - "why do you lose your spontaneity when you get married"? It's my experience it's not the getting married part - it's the having kids situation that puts an end to spontaneity. I have three kids, and no spontaneity (unless you consider a last minute announcement that we're going to the pool Saturday morning, or we're having those cinnamon rolls out of the can for breakfast instead of fronzen pancakes, or I - surprise! pull into the movie theater parking lot for a special movie night.) Was it a fair or worthy trade? YES, YES, YES! Their spontaneous kisses, hugs, laughs, one-liners - all make up for the loss of freedom, spontaneity, sleep, etc.
I wanna be fun and interesting and spontaneous, even if sometimes my kids are the only ones who think I am!

Boston Market

I'm listening to Rush Limbaugh promote on a commercial Bostom Market. However, last time I ate there I noticed that they got a "B" on their recent health inspection (I had already gotten my food). Sorry Rush, as quality a guy I think you are, doubt you'd ever actually eat at a BM. And personally, if you won't eat there - I wouldn't promote it! Perhaps you should talk to Sean Hannity - he promotes Ruth Chris Steakhouse - bet they never got a "B".

Deep Thoughts

I wanna have deep and interesting thoughts. But how? I mean, you can't force them can you? Is it my fault that my mind thinks about the things it does. I feel ditzy and shallow sometimes. I'm not an uneducated person, I graduated from college. Any suggestions on how to think deeper, naturally?

First Book Club Meeting

Well, I went to my first book club meeting, we read "Angry Housewives Eating Bon-Bon's". I enjoyed the book and enjoyed the meeting. I was invited by my sister-in-law, who is 10 years younger than me - and all the girls there were around her age. They were also the type I never got to hang around with when I was in high school/college - the really cute and popular girls. Guess this is my chance!

This month me will be reading "Snow Falling on Cedars". I read a couple pages so far, seems deep and serious. Not typically the type of book I read, but I wanna be well read, so I'll endure. Let me know if you have read it!

Don't quite get it . . . .

Many of the bloggers I read and respect seem to show admiration and respect for former President Jimmy Carter. I don't get it though. I know I was young when he was president - but didn't we have like 20% interest rates, gas lines, misery factors, etc. when he was in office? That he goes around now, bashing the US and President Bush just makes it so I can not respect him. Same would be true if former President Bush went around bashing Carter or Clinton. It's not nice. And, I wanna be nice and respectful, even if I disagree.

http://www.nationalreview.com/impromptus/impromptus050302.asp

Project Complete!

Finished to redecorating on the bedroom. HWH gets home Wednesday, I hope he likes it! The green is not quite the shade it looked to be on that little card. Not what I had wanted, but it works ok. I really like the new room! Hope he does too!

I went again for the 5th time to the church we are considering. I really like the preaching, the Sunday School, the people. It's looking like a keeper and I'm getting excited! I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us on this journey.

Watched a movie this weekend - "Inside Man". Shouldn't have. The language was terrible! Why do that have to put such language in an interesting film? I've got to be more careful in my selection!

Tomorrow night is the first meeting of a book club I've been invited to join! I've always wanted to be a part of a book club! Now, tonight I have only about 100 more pages to finish the book!!!

David Crowder Band - Wholly Yours From the album A Collision
You are holy, holy, holy
All Heaven cries, holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like You are

I wanna be holy, like He is

Surprise For HWH

My Hardworking Husband (HWH) is going on his annual motorcycle trip this Tuesday. He and a few other guys each year go for about a week to a different part of the country and just ride and view the scenery. I stay home with the 3 kids. I get my girl's vacation time in smaller bits throughout the year.
I have decided this year to redo our bedroom while HWH is gone. When I first starting planning this I was excited. Keep in mind, he is usually the one that does all our painting/decorating, etc. He is the artistic one, I have NEVER painted a room, my eye for color/decoration is not the best. I am having my sister help me with the painting, she helped me pick out a sofa for the "sitting area" of the bedroom.
Please pray that:
1 - I get it all done in the 8 days he is gone
2 - That it turns out looking good
3 - That he likes it
4 - That he is not mad that I did this without consulting him
When I started planning, I honestly never considered he could get mad - but the idea has popped up. It's just he's been working so hard on relandscaping the yard this summer, and we are working on pretty much redoing every room in our house - I just wanted to surprise him with this. I think he'll like it. It may not be what he would of done, but I think he'll appreciate my effort and be relieved that there's one less room for him to do.
I just wanna be as good a wife to him as he is a husband to me. I have a long way to go!

I Also Wannabe

I also want to be a writer. I want to write contemporary Christian novels. I know I have a gift for writing, the problem is that I don't feel I'm the most creative type of person. I have ideas, but to actually think up a plot . . . .
I've been researching writing, it sounds so technical, the steps of moving your characters through conflict, point of view, etc. Perhaps I should leave it to the professionals. I feel like the Lord told me about a year ago he wanted me to try this, I've tried to ignore it and not do it, but I haven't had peace. Plus, I am generally the type of person that when 9pm comes, and I've gotten the kids in bed, dishwasher loaded, clothes put away, that I just want to veg-out and read or watch TV. I seriously lack self discipline to make myself "work" at the end of a long day.

I've been meditating this week on this verse:

1 Thessalonians 5:13 -15 (The Message)
Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.