Friday, September 21, 2007

Babbling . . . . .

I have always struggled with guilt. Guilt over being a working mother. Guilt over watching a particular TV show or movie. Guilt over not letting my HWH have the remote everytime he wants to take it from me. Guilt for yelling at my children (even though they ignored me the first 3 times I asked them nicely).
My feelings of guilt are not as oppressing as they used to be. But I still get them. And when I think about it and be truly honest about it perhaps it's more an attack of conscience then guilt. Because all the above that I said I feel guilty for doing/watching, probably aren't "right".

I don't think I'm the only one who struggles with this. And perhaps if I yielded myself completely to Christ and not the things of this world. If I did what is "right" - stopped working, stopped watching a particular TV show, gave my HWH the remote every time, was more patient with my kids - then I would have more peace. I'm 35 years old and I just haven't found the guts, self control, and discipline needed for all that. I know "I" will never have it and at some point I will have to depend on Christ for all strength.

I know I'm rambling - but these are my inner demons and this is where I choose to write about them.

GUILT
Pronunciation: \gilt\
Function: noun
Date: before 12th century (Yeah, people have been feeling guilty a LONG time!)
1: the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly : guilty conduct2 a: the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously b: feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach3: a feeling of culpability for offenses

CONSCIENCE
Pronunciation: \kän(t)-shn(t)s\
Function: noun
Date: 13th century
1 a: the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one's own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good b: a faculty, power, or principle enjoining good acts c: the part of the superego in psychoanalysis that transmits commands and admonitions to the ego2archaic : consciousness3: conformity to the dictates of conscience : conscientiousness4: sensitive regard for fairness or justice : scruple

6 comments:

Mama Zen said...

I always try to remember what Paul said about always seeming to do that which he didn't want to do. We all struggle with it.

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity said...

I'm right there with you... and yeah, Grey's Anatomy is tough for me... and now with Private Practice starting Wednesday...

We'll just keep praying... it's nice to know that I'm not alone...

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

Ha! I'm with Heather on Private Practice... can't wait. I never had as much guilt as I have since becoming a mom. I just figure it's part of the deal. One thing I do not feel guilty for is working and putting Adam in daycare.

Lynn said...

Wow, really good post. You are right, only the supernatural and transforming power of Jesus will change our behaviors and release our gilt. Take it from a fellow girl who was raised on guilt.

Love you!

Irritable Mother said...

Oh, friend! I am with you.

"at some point I will have to depend on Christ for all strength." You got it there, girl!!!

I think the thing we need to be sensitive to is the voice behind the guilt. Is it our enemy, trying to drag you down and make you feel terrible about yourself so you get mad at God for "putting you in this situation"? Or is it the voice of the One who passionately loves you, calling you higher as He desires to refine and purify you? BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

LoveMyStarr said...

OMG, have you been in my head?!

TV is a big guilt over my head, but like Lynn, I was raised on guilt. So, I feel guilty about a lot more.

Shoot, I'm feeling guilty about the comment I left on your movie review that you might take it the wrong way, which it wasn't intended to be bad:)

So, I'm in the same boat with you (and all the rest of the commenters)!